This is how much people care about me, dear readers. I painstakingly delve through the toxic landfill that is the Steam catalog to find fun games as presents for my beloved friends around Christmas, only to receive Hentai Nazi more than a month later as the only gift in return. I don’t know how to feel about this, but my birthday presents better be very impressive this year or Christmas 2020 is CANCELLED.

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So yes, I am reviewing Hentai Nazi. I thought site couldn’t get any more prestigious after HunieCam, yet here we are. Don’t play it.

Hentai Nazi is a meme game. You play a big titty anime girl and the game has you start off in a cave. You have two objectives:

• Gather 14 memes
• Kill the boss in the church

Once you set foot outside the cave, you are in an open field with rolling hills and a few landmarks. Scattered across this field are a few buildings with posters on it, which are the memes you are looking for. Sound-effects play when you gather these, but there aren’t actually 14 unique ones to find, as most are cluttered together 2 or 3 at a time.

While you are doing this, Nazi soldiers endlessly respawn in the center of the map and around the church. Their AI is simplistic and will just slowly chase you down as you explore, whenever it doesn’t get stuck on or inside of the scenery. They are easily outrunned, but can deplete your health bar quickly if they get the drop on you. Health does restore while out of combat, but their hitscan weapons are unpredictable.

You have a pistol and a machine gun yourself, but neither is too spectacular or satisfying to use. It’s evidently clear that Hentai Nazi isn’t selling itself as a shooter game, because the pistol is preposterously inaccurate and you can visibly see the delay on your bullets traveling towards enemies, hitting them, and the damage actually registering on them. Combat is sluggish busywork and utterly pointless in the face of endlessly respawning enemies.

On top of that, Hentai Nazi lacks basic competence in every regard. You constantly clip in weird ways with the environment, your UI lacks an ammo counter and other useful indicators besides the health bar, and your moveset makes no sense. You can dodge roll and go prone, neither of which serves any purpose. Putting away your weapons also puts you into a slow walking pace, which also has no uses. You can aim down the sight, but this does not increase accuracy over hip firing, and both options will put a reticule on-screen to indicate where you are shooting anyway.

Your hunt for memes is brief and unexciting. It’s just looking for buildings with posters on them, all of which look like stock assets and most of them are repeated. While you do this, a Nazi song plays so loudly that it overpowers every other sound-effect in the game. It loops constantly and restarts completely whenever you die.

Once you got the memes, the invisible barrier at the church is removed and you can shoot an oversized model of Hitler that is stuck in the doorway. Do that for 2 minutes while keeping other soldiers off your back and he goes down, the music stops, and you can walk around the map killing respawning goons until the end of time.

Hentai Nazi is very proud of its status as a “joke” game and offers an 80 cents DLC pack to make your character completely naked, but it ultimately serves no purpose beyond being an annoying gift to mock your friends with. It’s barebones and slapped together with no effort put into either its game-design or its comedic appeal. The level and characters look like stock assets, with the playable heroine being a generic, poorly-modeled non-character that I doubt anybody would find genuinely appealing, with or without clothes.

The memes are going to be dated soon enough and I am not exactly stunned with the comedic potential of voluptuous anime girls and edgy Nazi iconography. It doesn’t even really go far in either regard. Wolfenstein 3D is edgier than this and runs in HTML 5 nowadays. As for hentai games, man… this is nothing. If anything, last month proved just how much genuinely good eroge and sex-themed games are out there. I didn’t even take a look at action games, of which there also plenty.