Calamity is befalling Earth. Kaiju rage across the surface, attacking cities and slaughtering millions. Mankind’s final days may be upon us and you are the one responsible for that. No matter how much you wish it wasn’t so.

Kaiju Princess is a strange and karmic game. You play as a loner scumbag, who lives in a tiny apartment with no career or real prospects in life. One day while hoping to get laid, your character puts up on an ad for homeless girls to come to his house for food and shelter. Busty, young weirdo Xao takes you up on that offer and promptly moves in, paying you with sex. Things seem fine at first, until you realize that this mysterious Xao is actually the Kaiju Princess.

She is an unknowable, alien creature. A world-hopping terror that harvests negative energy from planets for the benefit of her horrifying people. The kaiju are her agents for this purpose.

The only issue? Xao is incredibly lazy. She will do nothing except lie in bed, demanding you spoonfeed her, dress her, and even carry her to the bathroom when necessary. Even her attempts at terrorizing Earth are a total flop. That sounds great, but is actually terrible! If Xao can’t meet her quota, her superiors will send someone to just destroy the planet outright. Thus you take on the role of her manager. You’ll whip the lazybones into shape, coordinate her attacks, and try to keep as much of Earth in tact as possible.

This becomes something of a time-management game. Each day there are 9 blocks worth of time to spend. You can use this for part-time work to bring in money or send Xao to attack somewhere. Xao’s attacks fill up a meter that needs to be full before the next deadline, but it also reduces the durability of your target. Thus you’ll have to carefully manage the frequency of your attacks, to both make sure you meet the deadline, while avoiding complete destruction.

At the same time, you also need to take care of Xao emotionally. You’ll have to keep the apartment clean, feed the princess, and you can spend money on extra items to make all of these processes easier. You’ll also have to bond with Xao, which is done through a menu full of interactions. You can have short conversations or physical interactions with her, which eventually unlock kisses and more intimate options.

Initially, Xao will be very distant and cold. The arrangements with you are purely practical and sex a mere chore. However, this changes as you keep interacting her. Hanging out with her can improve her mood, which makes for better sex which in turn strengthens the bond between you two. This makes your relationship more intimate, making it easier to improve the mood even further and get even better sexy times. It snowballs quite fast once it gets rolling.

While a creative premise for a hentai game, Kaiju Princess suffers from the usual shallowness infesting this genre. The plot makes it seem like it’s a desperate struggle to meet your terror-quota, even if you’re already finished with it by day 1. It’s a purely logical process to just farm the best places available to you with as much time as you can afford to spend. You can easily pull off 2 attacks per day, then clean the apartment, feed Xao, and then have time to spare. Doing so you’ll likely double the quota every week without much effort.

For a game about time-management, there just isn’t anything to sink time into. Your part-time job brings in less money than attacking places, so why bother? Taking care of Xao takes up minimal time as well, leaving you… nothing. Just doing meaningless raids or spamming some kisses to boost your relationship, just so you can move the game forward. Yeah, you can get a mood going and have sex, but you probably won’t want to do that every single day. After all, the sex scenes suck.

The game’s lack of content is mirrored in its erotica. You got the missionary position and… that’s it. You plow in there and fiddle around with your hands and tongue for a bit of variety. No oral, no butt stuff, and they don’t even animate any of your fondling. Instead a tiny window opens up, showing disembodied breasts being played with or a clit from the void being teased. These don’t even account for whether you’ve taken off Xao’s undergarments or what outfit she’s currently wearing.

Art is the weakest aspect of the game in general. The main screen is always the same shot of Xao lazing around in the same pose, with only a tiny bit of animation. Her design is pretty cool, but outfits are sparse and lacking in creativity. Attacks alternate between the same 2 chibi animations, again failing to account for cases like locations being destroyed or whether the Kaiju Defense Force is currently present at that location. There are visual novel sequences, but these too lack different poses.

Kaiju Princess is carried mostly by its likeable female lead and the story sequences. The actual sex loses its novelty quickly and gameplay is too shallow to be invested in. They did already announce a sequel to the game and I am curious what it’ll bring to the table. As it stands, Kaiju Princess is a bit short and underwhelming, but worth a quick playthrough if you like the character design.